Disasters of the Kitchen Variety

Yesterday, while I was frantically making dinner while trying to prepare last minute a visiting teaching message (not recommended), I was reminded vividly of some of my past kitchen disasters. The most memorable by far began innocently enough: with spaghetti.

You may wonder how anyone could make a kitchen disaster out of spaghetti - particularly since I was using a jar of pre-made pasta sauce. I mean really. But, I assure you, I am most capable of ruining things that are normally simple. I actually was almost done heating everything up (that's really all that is involved in spaghetti) and the noodles were done. I took them to the sink to drain, and in my hurry to get it done before my hard-working husband got home, I managed to spill ALL the pasta into the sink. Now, some may say this next part was rather silly on my part, and they would be right. However, since I was uncertain of the sanitation qualities of my sink (aka: I hadn't cleaned it in a while) and since most of the pasta had made its slimy way into the drain already, I just thrust all the rest of it down the drain too (while mildly cursing it and beginning to cry about it too :) We did have a garbage disposal at the time, so I simply ground up all those noodles and started over again - rather frustrated of course.

Well, you may be thinking that is not so bad. You would be right if that was all that came of it. If you have ever sent noodles down a garbage disposal, you probably know that they do not grind very well. They also do not go anywhere very fast. So, when I tried to do the dishes later, the water began to build up and not drain. After several futile attempts to grind some more, we realized it must be clogged. Then, the adventure began...

My husband is one who likes to do his own home repair projects. He figured that if he had something to shove down the drain far enough, he could remove the blockage. We looked around our very tiny and apparently very un-populated-with-drain-pokers apartment, and came up short. All our hangers were plastic. So, we took a rather late run to the nearest grocery store to buy some metal hangers. After this acquisition, he spent quite some time with rubber gloves, some very nasty dish water and a bent hanger, trying desperately to remove the problem. And, as you may have guessed at this point...it did not work.

So, the next morning, we called the landlady and informed her of our rather desperate need for a working sink (after all, not having a dishwasher and not being terribly good at doing them every night, there was a nasty pile building up). She promised that the maintenance man would visit today.

We went to work feeling relieved that the problem was in someone else's much more capable hands. I thought no more about it until I returned home from work that afternoon to a very interesting smell.

It was rather like rotten eggs and something long dead that had been uncovered most unfortunately much too late for pleasant disposal. I was heading for my apartment, holding my nose and laughing with the neighbors about what it may be. That was when I noticed that an annoyingly loud and persistent noise was coming from my apartment. Oh, yes, the carbon monoxide detector was going off. In my apartment. Which, BTW, was the SOURCE of the vile odor!! I made a very valiant attempt to enter the apartment without breathing (rather difficult, let me assure you) and managed to unplug the CM detector to save the neighbors' ears (though I honestly have no idea how long it had been going off...). Well, since I had some previous experience with CM alarms, I did what any respectable person would do: I called the fire department.

Yes, they came in their oversized yellow suits and bringing their high tech detectors. And driving their very large and very red fire truck (try parking that in an overflowing apartment complex parking lot). *You may be wondering at this point, what this has to do with my previous evening's spaghetti disaster - just wait, I am getting to that* They tromped into my apartment, holding their noses (did I mention just how POTENT the smell was in there?) and trying to find the source of the smell. Was it a gas leak or something? Be assured, there was no danger of me dying of carbon monoxide poisoning (they couldn't get any reading on their detectors). However, we still had no idea what could possibly be stinkin' it up. I did notice, however, that our previously vilified sink was no longer filled with dirty water...that seemed a good thing. I mentioned this to the very nice and probably very annoyed fire fighters who were wearing heavy suits in the middle of a very hot (and stinky) summer day. They began to investigate further by speaking to the management (who did finally come out, what with the very noticeable fire truck parked out front) and by assisting those others in the complex whose CM detectors were also blaring.

Anyway, after finally talking to the management, we were informed that in order to clear my drains, it was necessary to dump sulfuric acid down them!! That explains the very undesirable eggy smell. It also explained the NASTY stains found in my sink and bathtub (I really don't want to find out all the logistics of how it ended up there...). It just so happens that the maintenance man did NOT leave any kind of note or big sign that said "toxic waste poured down drain - working properly again - may want to air out your apartment for the next five months" We did have to leave doors and windows open for days and the stench lingered for longer than that...

Moral of the story: DO NOT TRY TO GRIND LARGE AMOUNTS OF PASTA IN YOUR GARBAGE DISPOSAL!!!!!

p.s. sorry the story took so long. Next time I tell the adventures of kitchen disasters, I will try to cut it short. This one was just so fabulous I couldn't leave anything out!